Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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