It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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