I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
