So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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