do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Pants are for mortals
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
