why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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