My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
