i think i have two assholes
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
