I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
