It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
