i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
