OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
