I looked at my own cervix.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
