oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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