I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
