Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
