its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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