so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize