Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
