you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
