He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
