LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
