Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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