Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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