pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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