Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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