Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
