I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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