wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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