forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
