New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
