Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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