you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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