you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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