Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
