wanna go halves on a baby?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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