Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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