Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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