And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
