oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize