Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
