I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
two words...techno handjob
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize