Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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