I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
