I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
