My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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