How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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