We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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