I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
