I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
