bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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