Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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