I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
