i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
