I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
