i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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