matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
