Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
