Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
