my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
