Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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