Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
