ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
