All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
