How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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